gay magazine salt lake city

Aaron decided to end things with Crystal the day he woke up on the ground outside his apartment’s door. He doesn’t remember how he got there, “my legs were shaking, I couldn’t walk… I had to use a broom to support my body and get into the living room.” Aaron had spent the previous night smoking crystal meth and pot with some friends, “they would tell me I looked like a prude, to smoke more… after a while my hands got very cold, I would rub them to warm them up, then my heart started to beat faster. I went to the restroom to throw some water on my face and I fell down. My life was passing through my eyes, moving from one image to another, it was very scary. Everything was spinning. I heard one of my friends tell me to get a hold of myself or I could go crazy.”

It was almost a year since the first time he had used crystal meth in the company of his brother, “he told me that it was better to do it with him the first time than with somebody else.” I ask him what was it that he found in meth, “there’s so much that you have to deal with… the bullying and teasing at school growing up, the violence in my family, everything piles up… I felt alone, I’d get home from work and I’d be alone. I’d be reading or something and my friends would invite me to come over. I would always smoke in a group, it helped to start the conversation.” Aaron says it’s not easy to just say no, he felt the pressure around his friends to continue what he had started with his brother, “sometimes you’re just there at a party, drinking your soda or something, and then they start teasing you, to pressure you, ‘why are you just drinking soda?’ and because I didn’t want to seem rude and I wanted to fit in better I would use. I’d feel the pressure to please others.”