gay magazine salt lake city
All Saints: I'm Mormon and Gay
Missionary guys
When an LDS guy turns 19 he has the opportunity to serve on a mission, preaching the gospel and doctrine of the Mormon Church away from home during two years. Eduardo realized he liked men as a teenager in Peru, where he’s from. Serving on a mission was an opportunity to change, “I thought it was going to help me keep a straight life… it was a very special moment for me because I could serve. I had the experience of baptizing about 100 people and inspire love, but at the same time it wasn’t spectacular, it didn’t help me stop what I feel today. People would love you so much,” says Eduardo.
Damian is Argentinean and served in the Salta mission, in Argentina. “They were the best two years of my life, I could never forget what I experienced, the people I met. I would do it again, it helped me to be a better person. I loved living away from home for the first time, spend time and get to know people from other countries and with other traditions.” Damian talks about an experience that marked his life, “my companion and I were in the Tucumán province, in a little town, and we went to visit a family to teach them, we took the bus to the country, and then walked between 30 to 35 minutes through the country. To get to their house we had to cross a lagoon formed by the rain, it had horse and cow excrement, dead bugs, it was horrible, the mosquitoes would follow us… it was shocking, we were waist-deep into it, but when we arrived to the very humble people’s house and taught them the gospel, surrounded by pigs and chicken under a tree because they didn’t have electricity, and to see the love they showed us… I could never forget this.” After his mission, Damian worked as a missionary trainer in Argentina, where he could share and inspire others with this story.
Cliff, who is also Peruvian, decided not to go, “I’m gay, I knew since I was 15 or 16… and I’m a member of the Church since I was 12 years old and since then I’d follow the teachings: no coffee, no tea, many things. I sent my application for the mission, I’d pray a lot, I ‘d talk to God. It was weird, I had a feeling that wouldn’t let me be in peace, I’d tell myself ‘if I go I know I’m gonna be a bad boy,” at the end I realized and said to myself ‘ok, this is not for me,’ I knew what could happen and I didn’t want to be excommunicated.”
I ask them if they were attracted to their companions, “It’s a different story with each companion, you’d get ready as if it was marriage, you’d share a lot with different people, and learn their lifestyle. Now in my relationships I find similarities between a partner and a companion, I know how to behave. I know how to convince them to do things… I’m not talking about sex, ha ha,” says Eduardo, “ I tried to focus as much as I could in serving the Lord and on being respectful, I thought some of them were cute, but never fell in love, I think the respect was stronger.”
Damian had a different experience, “after the mission I was lucky, it was my pleasure to see two of my ex-companions who are gay, and kissed one of them, it was good… it was a closer spiritual experience,” says Damian and the three guys laugh. Damian had 13 companions during the 2 years of his mission, “I wasn’t attracted to all of them but I was to most of them, especially because the rules are to sleep in the same room, we can’t be away from each other at the house, one has to see what the other one is doing, the only moment when one is away from their companion is in the restroom. We had time to study together, eat together… the goal is to keep the Spirit alive in the house, although the other’s mood can make it difficult at times, but they’re things we can manage. It’s very difficult to see your companion wearing only his underwear. Those two years were a hard struggle, and I think it’s the same for anyone who is gay and has served on a mission. Before we’d go to sleep we’d pray, and the tradition is to give each other a hug, feeling your companion’s body was intense, especially when you thought he was cute and was in shape, it was horrible.”
Prop 8
In 2008, California voted to change their constitution to define marriage as the union between one man and one woman, after same-sex marriage had been temporarily approved. Months before voting, the Mormon Church joined the Catholic Church and other groups to support Prop. 8 with money and time.
“I didn’t like at all the Church’s attitude, I thought it was disrespectful to gay people’s expression,” says Damian, “I was very, very upset, I couldn’t believe it.” Eduardo thinks that, “one thing is to disagree and another to get involved so that it doesn’t happen, to fight against it… at that time I felt angry because they talk about free will, so what kind of free will are they really letting people have?”
When Prop. 8 passed in California, more than 3,000 people surrounded the Salt Lake City Temple in protest. Since then the Church has been more careful on what they do on this topic, and many of their members have opened up and expressed their points of view that are different to those of their church. Mormons Building Bridges is one example. This organization had its debut at the Pride parade on 2012, and although it is not affiliated to the LDS Church, it is formed by its members, and they are dedicated to “transmit love and acceptance to LGBT people.” The LDS Church has changed its tone a bit, but not its position. In 2012 published mormonsandgays.org, a website that asks its members to be respectful towards the gay community, and reaffirms its stance on homosexuality: being gay is not a sin, to live “a gay lifestyle” is.
“Life is hard for everyone already and I don’t think we deserve bad treatment just because we feel differently to others,” says Eduardo.
The Revelation.
I ask them if they believe their Church will change their stance, Cliff answers, “I don’t think so, well, maybe I’m wrong, the Church has principles to follow, I think it’s the same with the Catholics… unless there is a miracle.” Damian thinks the same, “it’s never crossed my mind that the Church could accept gay people.” Eduardo, although doubtful, is more open to the miracle that Cliff mentioned, “the Church of Jesus Christ is based on Revelation and it is believed that there could be a revelation about this and its position could change… I’m not very hopeful on this, like they said, it’s hard and it would require a miracle.”
It wouldn’t be the first time the Church changes its stance on minorities and social issues through Revelation. In 1978, the LDS Readers said that they had realized through Revelation that Black men could now hold the priesthood, which was not allowed since Brigham Young’s presidency.
Whether or not the Church changes or continues with its current position, I ask the guys for advice to other people who find themselves in similar situations, “Love yourself so that others love you, if you accept who you really are you won’t have problems with other people, that’s what happened to me,” says Cliff. Eduardo shares “I’d only say to them, let yourself be guided by what your heart really feels, be open… you can have a completely formal life.”
Damian advises to “live life how you really are, without fear, without fear of telling others about your religion and value your beliefs, what you learned once keep it with you, practice it by being good and helping people and society.”
Coming to terms with our religious beliefs and our sexuality can be a long and painful process, but it can also be beautiful. To love yourself, your community, and your partner can be a big spiritual journey, remember what the Bible says: Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. (1 John 4:8).
Eduardo says, “When I die and get before God, just as He will ask us to explain some things we’ve done, I’d also want to ask him some questions… some say this does not come from God, that it is a sin, but when I’m with someone that tenderness and that love cannot come from the dark side… when you love someone it is such a pure feeling and so beautiful that you realize this does not come from the devil, but from God.”
GALLERY
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BY ALEX MOYA // PHOTOSY BY BALAM YAPUR
Salt Lake City, UT. June 2013
Gente
“To love someone is something good, something that in my point of view comes from God. I know the person who is with me right now was placed in my life by God, I don’t have any doubts about it… our relationship comes from something good and that something good is God even if some people say it‘s a sin,” says Damian at a coffee shop in the company of Eduardo and Cliff; the three are gay and members of the Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints, and although they don’t think of themselves as active members due to their church’s positions on homosexuality, they live lives of faith and devotion, with a strong spirituality that has survived the rejection of their church.
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