gay magazine salt lake city

Living with HIV doesn't make you that different to other people in this world. No one should cast stones because of an illness. Today there are many types of illnesses such as diabetes, heart disease, the common cold, and many disabilities. Ever since I was diagnosed with HIV, my life changed, I’ve become more health conscious, living a healthier lifestyle has become a major factor. I’ve become more aware of anything that will affect my immune system, at this state I can’t risk weakening my defenses.

 

I have taken life for granted and, in my eyes, have missed out in things that were in plain sight. Now is my time to pick up after myself and move forward. I wasn’t going to let my HIV status define me and be known as “the guy with HIV.” I am a human being, an uncle, a brother, a person who volunteers and gives back to the community, a friend to those who need one, a hard worker who cares and provides for my family and myself, I am one that loves. I hope that by my actions I can make a difference in this world, I’m tired of hiding and it’s time that I speak out. 

I’m glad to have the support from my friends and family. Support for anything and from anyone is always a good thing, just means you’re not alone. I’ve been blessed with a family that not only has accepted the fact that I am gay but also I’m not alone when it comes to having HIV. In the Hispanic culture being gay is frowned upon because you don’t meet the standard of what society calls machismo.  There’s not a time in a day when if I needed to talk, my friends would reject me. They are my number one supporters and pillar in my life.

 

For one to look past both the stigma of being gay and living with HIV is a big feat and so I applaud anyone who has done it. Along with my friends and family, another pillar of strength and inspiration is my partner, who happens to be HIV negative. He has always been by my side, since the beginning and never backed out from any of my appointments with the doctor, together we educated ourselves about safer sex.  He is a man that truly has a big heart and looked past the fact that I have HIV. His words and thoughts have been: “I can not stop or learn not to love someone that has HIV, it’s like not loving someone because they have the common cold. All we need to do is take precaution, and be safe”.

My only downfall in my family is mother. I wasn’t allowed to mention anything, everything was taboo. My mother is a pastor and certain aspects are in place, I needed to provide an image for the church.  For years I absorbed the abuse of living in a society that says that who I am IS sin, I was taught that I was a sinner and that to defeat that, I needed to change my mannerism and become the image of her, a pastor. 

As I was growing up, I struggled with my own persona. Knowing that in the eyes of God being gay was a sin, I went on my own spiritual quest.  With all of my studies, research and countless debates with other spiritual people I have concluded that I am who I am for a reason, and a path has been chosen for me. I never look back nor regret any decision because it is my learning experience.  I live for the moment, for my causes and beliefs, and she lives for hers. Because of our differences and views in life I never got a healthy relationship with my mother. Regardless of our differences, my HIV status was not something I was going to keep from her. She is my mother and has every right to know. 

My mother is a well educated person and I wasn’t going to beat around the bush, so I decided to come out as both being gay and having HIV. In the end she wasn’t very accepting, but I wasn’t going to let her push me down. I stand strong for who I am and what I believe. Courage isn’t a word that should be taken lightly. 

Know what you want in life and go for it, if today isn’t the time, then when is it? Just because we may have HIV we should not be limited in life.  I’ve set new goals and I’m not letting anything get in my way, it may be a long process but I know I will get there. HIV is only a disability if we let it be. Your journey doesn’t have to be a lonely walk. Talk to friends, family, support groups, and know that you’re not alone.  HIV is not a reason to feel degraded. My name is Antonio and I’m proud to say that I am a gay Latin-American, who happens to have HIV.